Introduction
I recently wrapped up a coaching programme with a client poised to become the CEO and owner of the company that she’s held an executive role at for a few years. Witnessing this client’s journey has been remarkable. When we first started, she struggled with self-doubt that limited her ability to market herself, despite being incredibly talented. She’s since transitioned from being scared to be visible on LinkedIn, to speaking at conferences, moderating panels, and appearing on podcasts. She’s authored thought leadership pieces and positioned her expertise profoundly.
Her evolution is a testament to becoming conscious of her limiting beliefs and embracing curiosity and courage to do things differently.
As we wrapped up, I asked her, "What do you need from me as you go into this next transition in your career?" Her response was both touching and insightful.
"I need you to keep helping me see the wood for the trees. You have this knack for seeing things that I just cannot see when my head is so busy and cluttered with overwhelming anxiety. I need you to help me untangle my thoughts and help me see the things I just can’t see. Mostly I need you to help me make this transition as quick and as comfortable as possible.”
“How about I help you manage the discomfort of being in a new transition." I suggested.
A prevalent theme in my coaching sessions is that clients, despite their considerable talent, frequently struggle to realize their full potential because instead of accepting that every transition is a learning journey and by its very nature, fraught with discomfort, they feel compelled to perform flawlessly from the outset and want to be comfortable as soon as possible.
Clients require a supportive environment where they can confront and work through this discomfort, rather than avoid it.
As Viktor Frankl once said,
"Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."
This quote profoundly resonates with the coaching journey, highlighting the importance of the space between knowing and not knowing, certainty and uncertainty, comfort and discomfort.
In any transition, we find ourselves in that space between knowing and not knowing, certainty and uncertainty, being competent, and needing to build new competence. This space feels messy.
Our ability to sit in the discomfort of that messiness, of that uncertainty and frustration, is crucial. Being conscious, noticing the emotions, thoughts, and narratives in our heads in this in-between space, allowing ourselves to be curious about them rather than doing everything (including acting out age old coping mechanisms) to get away from the discomfort, is the difference between being reactive, and being response-able (able to choose our response).
I know from firsthand experience that cultivating tolerance to be in discomfort - as hard as it may be - builds our response-able muscle, and gives us so much more power and choice, than reactively seeking out comfort, ever will.
The Role of a Coach in Creating Safety in Discomfort
As a coach, I regard my role as both a privilege and a significant responsibility. I have the opportunity to engage with the lives and careers of remarkable individuals. The responsibility of a coach, distinguishing the role from that of friends or loved ones, is to create and maintain this space for clients. It’s essential for a coach to allow clients to acknowledge, own, and explore their discomfort without avoiding it. In contrast, friends and loved ones tend to want to alleviate discomfort quickly, which, in my experience with clients and personally, is beautifully intended, but seldom beneficial.
It’s in acknowledging the discomfort that we allow it to just be, and we allow ourselves to just be.
The space between being competent and needing to develop new competencies is fraught with excitement, fear, frustration, self-doubt, joy, and more frustration. This is because we are learning. The ability to notice that you are in this space of learning and your tolerance to be in the messiness, to be in the discomfort, is what builds resilience and ability to ride the wave between uncertainty and certainty. This ultimately helps one navigate the transition without toppling over or prematurely exiting the learning journey.
So, the journey with my client continues into the next stage of her career. She is conscious that she is again embarking on a learning journey, and that it will likely, get uncomfortable. I feel privileged to be invited to again be part of her journey with the responsibility of guiding her out of her comfort zone into the space of fear and learning so that she can ultimately achieve the next step in her professional and business growth.
Get conscious
When faced with a new challenge or transition, how do you typically respond to the discomfort of not knowing or not yet being fully competent?
Get curious
Can you recall a time when embracing discomfort, rather than avoiding it, led to significant personal or professional growth? What did you learn from that experience?
Get compassionate
How are you practicing self-compassion during times of transition and discomfort, allowing yourself the space to grow without the pressure of immediate perfection?
Conclusion
If you’re seeking clarity and ready to take a leap in your career or life, feeling stuck, or navigating a challenging transition, coaching can provide the support you need. Coaching helps you embrace the discomfort of change and work with it to learn and grow and ultimately achieve your goals.
Welcome to The Briony Liber Coaching Group! Our mission is to help you connect with the curious, courageous, compassionate leader that you are meant to be.
Conscious, curious, creative, compassionate, courageous, connected. These are attributes of great self-leaders. These are the qualities we work with you to develop when you come to The Briony Liber Coaching Group for coaching on any aspect of your self-leadership and career.