Embracing My True Self: A Journey of Self-Discovery with ADHD

I’ve spent the last few months toying with the idea of reintroducing myself and sharing some things that have become part of my conscious awareness in the last few months, and specifically what I’ve learned in the process.

I’ve put off this post so many times because it reveals part of who I am, a part of myself that I’m only now getting to know well, and that feels vulnerable. It’s weird because the greatest human needs are to feel seen, heard and understood – we cannot connect otherwise. And yet, much like many of my clients who come to me for coaching, I’ve experienced an extended period of fearing making myself vulnerable to achieve the very thing I want – to connect by being seen, heard and understood.

So here goes.  I’m practicing what I preach to so many of my clients (and to be clear what I preach is not about sharing your deepest darkest secrets, it’s about making yourself known, because those who need to know you, will gravitate towards you when you do.)

I have ADHD

Yes I have ADHD. Ok but so what? A lot of people have ADHD.

Well, what’s new about this from my perspective is that my ADHD was relatively recently diagnosed – in fact only last year just a few months after I turned 50.

For me it’s been a revelation and has explained so many things about why I’ve never felt I quite fit in, why I’ve spent a large part of my life trying to be understood and never really feeling like I was achieving that – and as a result slowly but surely learning to hide the parts of myself that I most wanted to be understood.

It’s freed me from that lifelong need of feeling like I need to fit in. I still want to be understood, but I’m realising that the person who needs to understand me first, is myself.

I’m at a point where I’m embracing who I am and actually revelling in the delight of being creative, thinking differently, being someone who feels deeply, and realising that I’ve developed an enormous skillset that has enabled me to get to the age of 50+ without struggling with some of the things that I know other people with ADHD have struggled with.

Embracing Neurodiversity

My ADHD diagnosis has freed me from my need to conform. At 50+, I’m proud of the skills I’ve developed, which have helped me navigate life and have a very rich career and professional life. I’m also grateful for the way in which my neurodiverse brain has given me a great sense of humour, creativity and imagination, hyperfocus and high energy levels that have enabled me to achieve in things that interest me, a knack for intuitively connecting things that aren’t always visible, compassion and a deep sense of empathy for the underdog and a deep desire to help people who are struggling.

I've learned some lessons through my ADHD diagnosis, moving me beyond what I realise now was intellectual understanding but not yet true internalization:

Skills and Coping Mechanisms

It's possible to develop skills and succeed, even if these skills don't align with your natural preferences and how your brain has been hardwired to do things. While our preferred ways of doing things are shaped early in life by nature and nurture, skills can always be learned with conscious effort and energy.

It's also possible to develop coping mechanisms based on the need for approval and avoiding discomfort, but these aren't sustainable. In my case, they have contributed to burnout twice. Understanding and confronting these behaviours, and choosing to change them, is key to becoming a response-able adult instead of a reactive victim.

The Importance of Self-Knowledge

The value of knowing yourself well cannot be understated. For me, discovering my ADHD was a revelation, providing clarity and acceptance. But for the most part, this ADHD diagnosis has just been a gateway to deepening my self-knowledge.

Few of us invest enough quality time in getting to know ourselves, exploring what’s true for us and choosing to stand in our truth even when it’s uncomfortable. I know this because it’s tempting to avoid our truth, to escape the discomfort of not fitting in or pleasing everyone by clinging to old coping mechanisms, even if they yield known but unwanted outcomes. It’s a lot harder, but in the long term so much more rewarding to challenge what society has told us should be true for us, and have the courage to look within, to discover the essence of who you are as a unique individual and to show up with a quality of presence that is defined by your truth.

Beyond Labels

A diagnosis does not define you. For a short while I almost clung to the label of ADHD – it became a hammer to hit everything with, an explanation for everything but I’ve come to realise in the last few weeks, it’s just another part of who I am. In many coaching groups I’ve often asked participants to introduce themselves without using their typical labels, and that’s the challenge I’m going to embrace for myself now – to introduce myself without labels.

My name is Briony Liber.  Briony means “to grow luxuriantly”. Liber is a derivative of the Latin words for “knowledge” and “freedom”. I’m on a journey of deepening my knowledge of who I am, of truly understanding what makes me tick, what’s true for me, what defines the essence of who I am.

My ADHD diagnosis feels like it's been a key that’s unlocked the next step in my journey and has given me clarity that frees me from the constraints of some limiting internal narratives and opens up the pathway for me to truly grow luxuriantly.

I value the opportunity to share a bit more about myself and I truly hope that this essay connects with someone who needed to read this today – and if that turns out to be you, I’d love to hear from you.

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